Fantasy Football Punishments: Attacking the Body, Mind, and Soul
Cooterdoodle and Jake Trowbridge disregard any and all direction on their assignment and, instead, got together to strategize the best way to terrorize the losers of your fantasy football leagues.
These aren't your grandma's fantasy football punishments. We're getting a bit extreme. You can do better than an "I suck at fantasy football" mousepad.
WARNING: For these types of punishments to be respected (are feared), they have to be agreed upon by all parties and there must be a consequence if the punishment remains unfulfilled. Set a HARD deadline for the loser to complete their punishment, along with a major consequence for them if they don't (aka … kick them out).
We will be attacking the body, the mind, and the soul.
Each is a crucial part of breaking any human at their core. So we must target our loser through:
- Body Work
- Mental Anguish
- Inconveniences
Though, let's be honest … some punishments can pull off the hat trick and hit all three!
Looking for more creative and terrorizing Fantasy Football punishments? Use our Punishment Generator to do the work for you!
Curating The Most Extreme Fantasy Football Punishments
BODY WORK
Inked & Embarrassed: The loser must get a tattoo. Easy enough, right? But the parameters of this punishment must be agreed upon. Who decides where the tattoo will be? Who decides WHAT the tattoo will be? Is the league coming up with options for the loser to pick from or does the winner decide? Remember, this is permanent. Make smart-ish choices.
Hairy Styles: The loser has to dye their hair or severely change the style. Pink hair dye? Shaved head? Mullet anyone?
The Best a Man Can Get: Remember those Gillette commercials? Your buddy is about to be starring in one when he takes a razor to the UPPER part of his face. I know it's harsh, but eyebrows grow back eventually …
The Ultimate Manicure: The loser has to get fake nails (on their dime) that are long enough to make typing on their phone a problem. I'm talking LONG. Let the league decide the length and color. They'll fall off in a few weeks …
Marathon: Sure, some people enjoy exercising (gross). Let's hope those health freaks don't lose. This punishment involves the training, signing up for, and completion of a marathon. Yes, a full marathon … Though, I guess they can quit if they vomit.
MENTAL ANGUISH
Hobble For Me: The loser has to walk around with a pair of crutches for the day (week?). Are they injured? Well, no. Not physically. And if anyone at work asks what happened, they have to say their "feelings got hurt".
Influencer For A Day: The loser has to film themselves and post photos like a true Instagram influencer. We need commitment, here! Posting pictures of all food and workouts is required. And there has to be at least two videos walking us through their day. Who doesn't want a "Get Ready With Me" from their league loser?
Ohhhh Baby: The loser has to communicate using baby talk only. I'm cringing just thinking about it. But that's why it's the perfect punishment. It's going to have everlasting effects. You'll never look at them the same way.
Health Nut: The loser has to spend a designated amount of time in a local grocery store. The kicker? They have to go through people's carts and convince them that what they're buying is unhealthy and that they should put it back. There's good news!! The loser can cut time off of the punishment for any items returned to the shelf.
INCONVENIENCES
Netflix and No Chill: The loser has to share their Netflix account with the winner, who has full reign over their algorithm for a week. That perfectly curated feed of movies you might enjoy? Consider it gone. The winner is going to "like" Cocomelon and Is It Cake? Oh, and don't forget to find the loser's favorite show. I bet they would absolutely LOVE for you to lose their spot in their favorite series.
Personal Assistant: Loser has to wait hand and foot on the winner. Don't want them in your home with you all day? That's fine. Just text them your coffee order, lunch order, dinner order, and grocery lists … You get the idea.
Brainiac: Loser has to take the GRE. Don't be mistaken, this has nothing to do with humiliation. We won't think the loser is any stupider because of a standardized test score. But they sure will hate having to pay to take a test and sit around for a few hours while the league meets at a bar to take bets on their final score.
Car Wash: Get your buckets and bikinis. The loser has to wash the leagues' cars. Yes. PLURAL.
Brochure? Bro, Sure: League curates a brochure of their choice. Humiliating the loser with all their past failures on a single sheet of paper will do. The loser? Well, they stand outside for a few hours handing those bad boys out. Make sure it's a populated area. We want the loser to spread the good word!
Easy Peasy Lemon Queasy: 1. The entire league offers up one edible item to add to a blender. 2. The concoction is blended. 3. The loser drinks. Bottoms up!
Looking for more creative and terrorizing Fantasy Football punishments? Use our Punishment Generator to do the work for you!