I'm ready to chase more completely stupid storylines in Week 6. If you've been sweating along with me, we've come close enough times to keep me biting. Whatdya say? Let's lock in a few more.

Get out your spare change. We've got some brand new sweats!

It's time for Scared Money - Week 6.

The 3 Scared Money Bylaws:

1. May the Odds Never Be In Your Favor: We are absolutely NOT trying to play it safe. The crazier the odds, the better.
2. Narratives Are EVERYTHING: Betting on something meaningless is an emotionally empty abyss. Instead, we're buying into the incredible outcomes that we want to become our reality. We're fans of the game—THAT is what drives the bet.
3. No wager is too small: Even the smallest bets can give you an INCREDIBLE sweat if they revolve around something you believe in. In fact, the smaller the better.

Dr. Malcolm's Warning +6577 (65ish-to-1)

Your NFL playcallers were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn't stop to think if they should.

I mean, what the f*ck are these stats?

• Rashid Shaheed (288) has more yards than Chris Olave (244)
• Tory Horton (3) has more TDs than Jaxon Smith-Njigba (2)
• Patrick Mahomes (3) has scored more rushing TDs than Isiah Pacheco (0).
• Justin Fields (3) has more rushing TDs than Breece Hall (0)

They're real. And they really piss me off.

Let's see if we can take advantage of these stupid statlines in Week 6.

4-leg parlay:

• Rashid Shaheed ATD
• Tory Horton ATD
• Patrick Mahomes Rushing Yards Over 29.5
• Justin Fields Rushing Yards Over 36.5

Trade Targets +25069 (250ish-to-1)

We broke down 9 trades that we'd love to see before the NFL deadline on November 4th.

Maybe these guys will want to show off their skills for their new potential teams. Or maybe they want to prove to their current coaches how badly their failing organizations need them.

Either way, I'm rooting for them.

And if the odds scare you, might I remind you that:

• David Njoku clicked with Dillon Gabriel in Week 5 (6-67-1)
• Chris Olave leads the Saints in End Zone targets (36%) -- you can find this stat in our Utilization Report, by the way
• Zach Charbonnet has played in 4 games this season and scored in 3 of them
• Breece Hall has only had 2 games under 80 rushing yards this season. The others? 81 yards, 107 yards, and 113 yards.
• Tyler Allgeier is inevitable. Scoring in half of the games he's played, he's projected for 39.9 rushing yards in Week 6.

8-leg parlay:

• David Njoku Receptions Over 3.5
• David Njoku ATD
• Chris Olave 5+ Receptions
• Chris Olave ATD
• Zach Charbonnet ATD
• Breece Hall 40+ Rushing Yards
• Tyler Allgeier ATD
• Tyler Allgeier Rushing Yards Over 32.5

The Replacements +1317 (13ish-to-1)

With CeeDee Lamb, George Kittle, and Bucky Irving all possiblyyyy returning in Week 7, it might be time for their "replacements" to get in one final TD before they move back down the depth chart.

This won't be their last shot at participating in the game. But it could be their final chance as the "main guy."

Let's do this, boys!

Anytime Touchdowns - 3 legs:

• George Pickens ATD
• Jake Tonges ATD
• Rachaad White ATD

What Year Is It??  +6521 (65ish-to-1)

After a full offseason of hyping them up, I've had enough of these rookies.

It's time to put some respect on the old men who are making their way through yet another season. They're working hard for their retirement! They're probably really into lawn care! And they're one year closer to having more hair in their ears than they've got on their head.

Age is just a number, baby!

We're stacking up an 11-leg parlay with guys who were all drafted before 2019 (some before 2010).

11-leg parlay:

• Keenan Allen Receptions 4+ rec
• D.J. Moore ATD
• Matthew Stafford Passing Yards 250+ yards
• Davante Adams Receiving Yards 60+ yards
• David Njoku Receptions 4+ rec
• David Njoku Receiving Yards 40+ yards
• Travis Kelce Receptions  4+ rec
• Travis Kelce Receiving Yards 40+ yards
• Stefon Diggs Receptions 4+ rec
• Stefon Diggs Receiving Yards 50+ yards
• Hunter Henry Receptions 3+ rec

It's So Tight +24092 (240-ish-to-1)

Following all of those beautiful Tight End TDs in Week 5, I want to chase the high again in Week 6.

Look. The odds feels crazy, but it's JUST five teensy little touchdowns from five very large and humongous men.

Larger than Redwood trees, some might even say…

Anytime Touchdowns - 5 legs:

• Jake Ferguson ATD
• Darren Waller ATD
• Tucker Kraft ATD
• Jake Tonges ATD
• Travis Kecle ATD

Scared Money side effects may include rooting for the Cowboys, nausea, and extreme 4th quarter sweats. More serious side effects may include increased heart rate, high blood pressure, and swelling inside of your pants as the parlays come close to hitting. Scared Money Bets are not recommended for pregnant or nursing women as they might forget they are pregnant or nursing during the final quarter of the game. Ask your doctor if Scared Money bets are right for you.