A wise man once said, "Holy crap, it's Week 7 already??"

During TNF we already had:

• The 2-4 Bengals beat the 4-1 Steelers
• Four different TEs catch five TDs
• Ja'Marr Chase score 30 fantasy points for the first time since Week 14 of 2024

IT'S WEEK 7 AND ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN!

Pull up your big boy pants and get out your spare change. It's time for Scared Money.

(Many are wondering, "Why Game of Thrones edition?" The answer: Because 7 is symbolic. It's where the series should have ended. Season 7 was our last bit of good television before the writers decided to throw character development out of the window in Season 8. No further questions.)

The 3 Scared Money Bylaws:

1. May the Odds Never Be In Your Favor: We are absolutely NOT trying to play it safe. The crazier the odds, the better.
2. Narratives Are EVERYTHING: Betting on something meaningless is an emotionally empty abyss. Instead, we're buying into the incredible outcomes that we want to become our reality. We're fans of the game—THAT is what drives the bet.
3. No wager is too small: Even the smallest bets can give you an INCREDIBLE sweat if they revolve around something you believe in. In fact, the smaller the better.

Their Watch Has Ended +6735

Thank you to Jake Tonges & Co. for stepping up while our main guys were out with injuries. But now, it's time for the backups to move over and make way for our leading men.

Their watch has ended.

• Mike Evans returned to practice as Baker Mayfield's safety blanket.
• George Kittle "fully plans" to return in Week 7. Oh, and he's "fully healthy".
• CeeDee Lamb is "happy as can be" around his Week 7 return. And there are no limitations for Lamb this week, baby!

And if Taysom Hill can have a grand return in Week 6 by scoring off of a 1-1-1 receiving statline… Anything is possible.

But I mean, if you're too scared to root for some of the best players in football to score when they're on the field… Just say so.

6-leg parlay:

• Mike Evans ATD
• TB Buccaneers Moneyline
• George Kittle ATD
• SF 49ers Moneyline
• CeeDee Lamb ATD
• DAL Cowboys Moneyline

First of His Name +2000

Here's the thing… The Giants play the Broncos this weekend.

The Broncos are stingy against the RB position. They're allowing the 5th fewest fantasy points per game(17.8). On average, they're allowing only 78.5 yards per game to RBs.

And guess what?? I don't give a f*ck!

Do you really think a "tough defense" will stop me from betting on Cameron Skattebo, First of His Name, King of the Giants and Breaker of Walls?

All he needs is 15-20 touches. Just last week, he turned 19 of them into 98 yards and 3 TDs.

3-leg Skattebo Parlay:

• Cam Skattebo 2+ TDs
• Cam Skattebo 70+ Rushing Yards
• NY Giants Moneyline

The Prince That Was Promised +2100

We have waited patiently for the prophecy to come true: A hero figure that will save us from the coming darkness. A savior that will free us from impending doom!

In other words, "A suspended WR will return to save you from your losing record".

Rashee Rice is back, baby! And he faces the Raiders, who are allowing 36 FPPG to WRs(6th most) and 161.8 yards to WRs (5th most).

You had me at “heavy workload”.

Risky Rice 2-leg parlay:

• Rashee Rice First TD Scorer +750
• Rashee Rice 2+ TDs +950

Dragon Boys (Choose Your Adventure)

"They're not beasts to me. No matter how big they get, no matter how terrifying they are to everyone else." - Daenerys Targaryen

Yea, she was talkin' about tight ends. I'm sure of it.

And these big boys are not beasts to me, either. They're TD scoring machines!

If four different TEs could catch five TDs during a single game of Thursday Night Football in Week 7, why can't four different tight ends from four different teams do it this weekend?

Pick a dragon, you p*ssy.

Drogon +10082 

• Taysom Hill ATD
• Harold Fannin Jr. ATD
• Zach Ertz ATD
• Tyler Warren ATD

Rhaegal +5734

• Hunter Henry ATD
• Travis Kelce ATD
• Dallas Goedert ATD
• Trey McBride ATD

BY THE WAY, you've probably seen us push the "get a free year of FanatsyLife+" deal if you download Comet. I asked it to design an image of Andy Reid picking his favorite Dragon.

Viserion +6002

• Cade Otton ATD
• Jake Ferguson ATD
• Tucker Kraft ATD
• Evan Engram ATD

A Lannister Always Pays Their… Side Bets? +5500

Look, I’m a diehard Saints fan. And I love talking trash. So I obviously had no choice but to propose a side bet in our Fantasy Life Dynasty League, right?

The Side Bet: Loser has to change their fandom for the rest of the season. And the winner? They choose the loser’s new favorite team.

The only problem is… I f*cking lost.

Now, I have to be a Falcons fan for the remainder of the season (thanks, James). As a former Saints fan, I think it’s rude and I’m calling HR.

But as a fan of side bets, I respect the hell out of him for it. Anyways…. Here’s wonderwall.

Scared Money side effects may include rooting for the Falcons, nausea, and extreme 4th quarter sweats. More serious side effects may include increased heart rate, high blood pressure, and swelling inside of your pants as the parlays come close to hitting. Scared Money Bets are not recommended for pregnant or nursing women as they might forget they are pregnant or nursing during the final quarter of the game. Ask your doctor if Scared Money bets are right for you.