It was never just a phase, mom! Scared money bets are a lifestyle!

May the odds NEVER be in our favor… It's Scared Money Week 12!

The 3 Scared Money Bylaws:

1. May the Odds Never Be In Your Favor: We are absolutely NOT trying to play it safe. The crazier the odds, the better.
2. Narratives Are EVERYTHING: Betting on something meaningless is an emotionally empty abyss. Instead, we're buying into the incredible outcomes that we want to become our reality. We're fans of the game—THAT is what drives the bet.
3. No wager is too small: Even the smallest bets can give you an INCREDIBLE sweat if they revolve around something you believe in. In fact, the smaller the better.

Assistant to the Depth Chart Manager +13856 (138ish-to-1)

Think of this as the Dwight Schrute of parlays.

We would expect the leaders, Amon-Ra St. Brown, Bijan Robinson, Tee Higgins, and Christian McCaffrey to have better fantasy outings than their backups in Week 12.

BUT HEAR ME OUT! I have stats to back up my crazy little backup idea.

Tyler Allgeier has scored in every single even-numbered week this season. What week is it now? T-W-E-L-V-E. That's an even number, folks!

• Week 2: 16-76-1
• Week 4: 16-51-1
• Week 6: 10-32-1
• Week 8: 4-4-1
• Week 10: 11-57-2
• Week 12: Scared Money Don't Make Money

Jameson Williams has scored in 4 out of the last 5 weeks. And he's on a 3-week TD streak!!

• Week 9: 4-66-1
• Week 10: 6-119-1
• Week 11: 4-88-1
• Week 12: Scared Money Don't Make Money

Andrei Iosivas is a name we don't say often, but he's the WR2 in Cincinnati (at least for now). And guess what:

• The Patriots are allowing 31.6 FPPG to WRs this season.
• Since October 12th, Joe Flacco has thrown multiple TDs in all of his games, but one.
• Ja'Marr Chase is out (suspension).
• Oh, and Scared Money Don’t Make Money

Brian Robinson Jr. might be the back up to Christian f*king McCaffrey, but that doesn't mean he can't score. In fact, Robinson:

• Scored in two of his last three games
• Was given 8 rush attempts in both of his last two games
• Now faces the Panthers in Week 12, who just allowed 3 TDs to RBs last week (one of them being a backup!)

IT'S JUST FOUR LITTLE TDs. What are you afraid of??

Anytime Touchdowns - 4 legs:

• Tyler Allgeier +190
• Jameson Williams +150
• Andrei Iosivas +250
• Brian Robinson Jr. +450

UnderDAWGS +3150 (31.5-to-1)

These are the TINIEST little underdawgs you ever did see. Look at those odds! +114? +130?

But sweats don't come from small odds. So, we're stacking all four games together!

Don't be scared of little underdogs, pussycat!

4-leg parlay:

• ATL Falcons Moneyline +114
• ARI Cardinals Moneyline +130
• IND Colts Moneyline +154
• CLE Browns Moneyline +160

Konami4Me! +12620 (126-to-1)

Konami Code, don't fail me now!

Each of these QBs has scored a rushing TD this season. In fact, they've scored more than a few!

Rushing TDs:

• Patrick Mahomes: 4
• Caleb Williams: 3
• Trevor Lawrence: 5
• Jalen Hurts: 6

18 rushing TDs combined between the four of them. So, I'm dropping a full $1.00 on these boot scootin boogie QBs in Week 12.

That's what the talking heads call "putting your money where your mouth is.”

4-leg parlay:

• Patrick Mahomes: ATD
• Caleb Williams: ATD
• Trevor Lawrence: ATD
• Jalen Hurts: ATD

YOU LIKE THAT?! +(odds pending)

Note: I'm still waiting on Draft Kings to officially give me the odds on this bad boy. Lock it in before game time.

MORE BACKUP PARLAYS! This time, it’s the QBs who are having to step up.

I don't care if we haven't really seen what Mason Rudolph is capable of throughout his career. And I don't care if Kirk Cousins has to face a division rival (where anything can happen). And I don't care that Joe Flacco will be without his elite WR1.

Two of these offenses are facing sh*tty defenses that are allowing over 2 passing TDs per game to opposing QBs (JAX, CHI).

So, the real question is: Do I believe in Mason Rudolph OR do I just NOT believe in the Bears defense?

The answer: I believe in the sweat.

Passing TD Parlay:

• Kirk Cousins 2+ passing TDs
• Mason Rudolph 2+ passing TDs
• Jacoby Brissett 2+ passing TDs
• Joe Flacco 2+ passing TDs

Scared Money side effects may include rooting for Mason Rudolph, nausea, and extreme 4th quarter sweats. More serious side effects may include increased heart rate, high blood pressure, and swelling inside of your pants as the parlays come close to hitting. Scared Money Bets are not recommended for pregnant or nursing women as they might forget they are pregnant or nursing during the final quarter of the game. Ask your doctor if Scared Money bets are right for you.