Alright, someone, spill the beans—which NFL player got attacked by a coyote?

In today's Fantasy Life Newsletter presented by Bright Cellars:

• The Curious Case of Kadarius Toney
• What Could Have Been: We need anti-choke medicine
• A coyote hunting down NFL players?!
• What Now? Novelty Props from Cooterdoodle
• It’s 2/7. Take it away, Peter Overzet…

If you were Andy Reid, would you trust Kadarius Toney in the Super Bowl?

Toney has a knack for making himself the main character in the worst possible ways.

His offsides penalty in Week 14 vs. the Bills that negated a go-ahead TD went viral.

The following week vs. the Patriots, he bobbled a pass that resulted in an interception.

And that was the last time we saw him in action.

Despite getting in some limited practices throughout the playoffs, he’s been inactive every game due to a “hip injury.”

Or that’s at least what we were told.

After the Chiefs ruled him out for the AFC Championship game, Toney took to Instagram and said he wasn’t hurt. He actually said a lot more than that, but this is a family-friendly newsletter, after all.

The Chiefs even had to publicly respond to Toney’s claims, assuring the league that they did not file erroneous injury reports.

Well, now the Super Bowl is here, Toney is practicing, and Reid has a very difficult decision:

I’d be surprised if he plays. The Chiefs have made it through a tough playoff gauntlet playing their A-game without Toney, so I don’t know why you’d rock the boat now.

Although Toney clearly has a different take:

If you want to see how I’m handling the Chiefs’ messy pass-catching corps, check out this week’s Hidden Gems piece, where I did a deep dive on how to approach them in Pick ‘Em and DFS.

🍷 Ready to Join the Wine Club for Real People?

Let's get real: Becoming a 'wine person' is within reach for anyone; it's just a matter of finding your flavor.

That's where Bright Cellars comes in. Their nifty wine quiz uses data to perfectly match you to wines you’ll love based on your personal preferences. It's like a matchmaking service for your taste buds, connecting you with wines that suit your style.

Shipped in completely recyclable boxes that are printed with water and soy-based ink, every box brings excitement and new flavors, helping you learn what you like as you sip.

But here's the best part – their commitment keeps flowing even after delivery. Their full-glass guarantee ensures every wine you get is one you love. If you don’t love a bottle, they’ll replace it.

For readers of Fantasy Life, a special treat awaits:

Take their simple and fun wine quiz today and start your wine journey with six bottles for only $55 (worth over $150).

Take the Quiz

Your team could have made it to the Super Bowl. Today, Ian explains how…

What follows is a breakdown of exactly how every other team could have punched their ticket to Super Bowl XVIII. Surely fans will treat this light-hearted exercise with rational and clear eyes and not get too worked up; teams are ranked by who seemingly had the most realistic chance of actually making this happen.

🤔 What if one or two plays went differently?

• Baltimore Ravens
• Detroit Lions
• Green Bay Packers
• Buffalo Bills

And we’re seriously talking about only one or two plays.

Ravens WR Zay Flowers was inches away from breaking the plane of the end zone before Chiefs CB L’Jarius Sneed made a brilliant play to force the fumble. It also would have been a lot cooler if Lamar Jackson hadn’t thrown this ill-advised interception into triple coverage to cap off a 12-play, 74-yard drive in the fourth quarter.

While the mainstream media spent days ridiculing Lions head coach Dan Campbell for his fourth-down decision-making, the narrative could have been quite a bit different had Josh Reynolds simply caught the well-thrown original fourth-and-two attempt (or even a separate second-half third-and-long target).

There was also this borderline drop by Jameson Williams on what could have been a go-ahead fourth-quarter TD. Oh, and Campbell did actually mess up late by calling a timeout with 1:00 remaining and thus forfeiting the chance to get the football back.

All in all: This was particularly rough. Sorry, Lions fans:

And then we have the Bills and Packers, who certainly shot themselves in the foot (looking at you, Stefon Diggs and Jordan Love), but also had to deal with reasonable missed fourth-quarter field goals during their respective three-point losses.

The weather wasn’t perfect in either game; just realize both Packers K Anders Carlson (41) and Bills K Tyler Bass (44) missed field goals in a range (40-49 yards) that was converted 79.6% of the time during the 2023 regular season.

💉 Can Elon Musk invent anti-choke medicine for January already

• Dallas Cowboys
• Miami Dolphins

The NFL’s top-two scoring offenses picked the worst time to have a bad day last month.

While Dak Prescott and company would eventually rack up 510 total yards and 32 points, two crucial first-half interceptions resulted in a red-zone possession that quickly turned into a TD as well as a straight-up pick-six.

The latter mistake was Prescott’s only interception returned for a score on the season after having a league-high three such turnovers in 2022; it was a true gut punch and served as an early dagger for Cowboys faithful.

And then there’s the Dolphins, who scored a season-low seven points during their freezing Wild Card loss at Arrowhead.

Consider: The only time that head coach Mike McDaniel was held to fewer points as a major coach was literally his first game as the 49ers’ run game coordinator…back in 2017.

Tua Tagovailoa posted single-game lows across nearly every meaningful efficiency metric before redeeming himself, posting the worst score of any QB in the Pro Bowl’s Precision Passing event.

More what ifs…

📊 What’s that? More 2024 rankings?! Dwain’s early top 150 are live.

🤔 A coyote attacked an NFL player in town for the Super Bowl. WHO WAS IT?!

💰 21 Super Bowl bets and counting, all for free. Don’t miss a bet for Sunday!

💎 How should you approach the secondary Chiefs pass-catchers? They could be hidden gems.

💪 Will KC shut down George Kittle? Food for thought.

👀 The hook in sports betting isn’t always your enemy. How to use it to your advantage.

🐺 Meet the University of Washington’s new defensive coordinator. That’s quite a look.

🤣 The funniest thing you’ll see all day. Brock Purdy look-a-like.

📣 A Lions player weighs in on the 4th down calls. Go off, king.

🏇 An interview with Randy Moss. Or not lol.

The fantasy football season might be over, but we are NOT ready to unplug. Cooterdoodle is here to keep our minds in check by asking the age-old, evergreen question: “What Now?”

🤑 What Now? It’s Betting SZN, Baby!

Football is fun, but having some skin in the game is EXCITING. We’ve got one last go at this football thing. Let’s bet on it with BetMGM!

👛 Coin Toss/Coin Winner

Hey internet sleuths, hear me out on this one. I actually do have a theory on this “50/50” bet that has me leaning towards Heads. And no, it’s not because of the odds. 

Instead, I’m going to bet on history repeating itself. 

You see, it wasn’t that long ago that the 49ers and Chiefs faced off in a Super Bowl matchup. 

The Super Bowl LIV depth chart may have looked a little different, but there have been too many coincidences between 2020 vs. 2024 for us to ignore the hilarity that a coin toss repeat would have on the masses.

So, I say we go ‘full send’ and brace for the chaos that could only come from a repeat of epic proportions. Travel back in time with me for just a moment…

Super Bowl LIV Coin Results:

• Head or Tails: Tails
• Toss Winner: 49ers
• Game Winner: Chiefs

Seems doable. So, let’s run it back again, shall we?

I also believe in the strategy of betting against the team you’re rooting for. You know, so that way you’re pleased with any outcome. It’s kinda like that saying, “Put your money where your mouth is.” Except, it’s nothing like that at all. 

And if you still can’t decide on whether or not you want to bet Heads or Tails… I don’t know… Maybe flip a coin?

🛀 Gatorade Bath Bet

This is a fun one. While we technically could do a little statistical breakdown of the Super Bowl-winning Gatorade baths of the past, I’m not so sure that will give us the upper hand we’re looking for. 

You see, it’s been done already. Orange is theoretically the “color to beat.” 

Call me crazy if you will, but I personally believe that odds mean nothing in the world of fruity-flavored electrolytes. 

So I say we go with our guts on this one. Me? My gut says “Red”, purely based on the teams’ colors. 

And if you disagree, please don’t yell at me. We’re talking about sugary water here.

⏰ Time of First Points

I want this game to be the high-scoring, unabashedly sexy offensive matchup of our dreams! But I’m afraid that this would just make too much sense. 

So I’m going to bet against my heart and take the “No points scored in the first 5 minutes” side on this one. It’s a win/win!

🏆 Super Bowl MVP Position

Alright. SURE. The Super Bowl MVP has never been a TE. Currently, the odds reflect this at +900. And sure, all we need is for Travis Kelce or George Kittle to ball the f*ck out. 

But I don’t care if the odds are against me on this one. I don’t care if it would be the absolute first time ever a TE won MVP in the history of the Super Bowl. All we need is one of these guys to score, like … 3TDs? 

We know the Chief’s WRs are likely to drop a few balls here and there. We know the 49ers are going to split the ball between Deebo Samuel, Christian McCaffrey and Brandon Aiyuk and… 

Yea, yea, yea. The MVP will probably be a QB. But I can’t say that I’m rooting for tight ends one week and not bet on them the next. So… ALL IN ON TIGHT END! Tag me if you tail me on TE, and we’ll sweat this thing out together.

Powered by beehiiv